Rehoming AWESOME Baby

Female baby, 1 year old, Caucasian, and sweet as can be. Just found out we’re getting a dog, and have to rehome the baby because I am unable to devote the time to her that she deserves. She is adorable, loving, sweet and a major part of our family, but the time has come for us to part ways. We are looking for a family that is perfect, and we have no problem judging your worthiness based on arbitrary markers of success including: the type of car you drive, neighborhood where you live, money in your bank account, and what designer labels comprise your wardrobe.

Our baby girl is up to date on all shots, and I will give you all of her paperwork including birth certificate, doctor’s records and other pertinent information. You will be responsible for paying any transfer fees related to changing her name/licensing information. She does have issues with food allergies and will need to be closely monitored. She is not housebroken, but will wear a diaper (as long as it’s not too hot). She also babbles a lot and makes up words we can’t understand, but is good with strangers. She will let us know when someone is at the front door, but has never shown aggression toward other babies or people. She is still in her “chewing stage”, but has not chewed anything in the house as long as we give her a toy.

We will be asking for a generous rehoming fee of $10,000, mostly to recoup the money we have put into this baby. All of the birthing costs, doctor’s visits, formula, diapers and toys add up! We really need to get some of that money back to either go on a fancy vacation or buy a bunch of useless material items. We would also like to write up a binding contract that will give us rights to take the baby back when and if our economic, housing and/or general life situation improves.

I know some of you are going to flag this post, but I really just want to do what is best for this girl. When I gave birth to her I understood that it is supposed to be a life long commitment, but I just can not balance the demanding lifestyle of caring for more than one living creature at a time. How am I supposed to meet my friends for Happy Hour at TGI Friday’s or watch every episode of True Blood when I have both a baby and a dog relying on me for everything?! Life is about choices, and I am choosing to do what is best for both of us.

Please leave a comment if interested, and let me know why you think you’d be a good owner. Thanks! <3<3<3

This is a satirical, mock-Craigslist posting. No babies were actually rehomed during the writing of this post, in response to this post, or in relation to this post whatsoever. I do not actually endorse the trade of babies on the black market in an effort to keep Fido. What I do promote is potential parents taking a moment to consider the multiple possibilities that exist before committing to ridding themselves of their family pet.

Before this page fills up with comments illustrating various exceptions to times it was absolutely necessary to rehome a dog, let me just say that I am not judging anyone by writing this post. If you/someone you know made the best decision for them at the time they rehomed their dog, great! All I ask is that people seriously weigh their options and give their dog some consideration before casting them off. There are a number of resources available for anyone feeling as though they have no other option other than rehoming, adopting or surrendering their dog. If you feel that relinquishing your pet is your only choice, I encourage you to leave a comment and ask for help.

Dogs ARE NOT disposable.

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